first loved

I recently saw this from a friend's post on Facebook.

"You're nobody til somebody loves you."

Call me an old soul but the first song that came into my mind was the American standard sung by Dean Martin. Gentlemen back then had C.L.A.S.S. (Though, forgive me, maybe my friend was referring to the song by James Arthur with the same title!)

These gentlemen have flair, I tell you. Brace yourself at 1:20!

Anyway, back to my point, I was actually more interested in the various responses to the post. Here were my thoughts upon reading them:

"I beg to disagree," - Alright! I feel you.
"Loving someone or being loved by someone should not define you. There is more to you than just loving someone. There is more to you than being loved," - Hmm...
"Not true. Love yourself," - Woah. Hold on there... Let's clarify that a bit.

Honestly, had I read these comments a year ago, I would have dug them and agreed with them, at least to some extent. However, a lot can change in a year - including finally being able to somewhat sustain a blog (Ohyeah. *patting myself on the back*). I'd like to highlight that change in perspective by pointing out that it started when I felt the warm truth of the words below. (Please take note of the operative word 'felt,' as opposed to 'fully understanding.')

"We love, because He first loved us." - 1 John 4:19

Lets break down my reactions to the comments in the post.

1. Yes, we are NOBODY until somebody loves us. 

I cannot emphasize that enough. It's not depressing as you think it is even if you're thinking that you're still single, or that your family doesn't love you (which I doubt) or that the whole world just doesn't seem to care about you. The good news is that there was never a time that you were not loved! 

We were born out of love - not just from our parents' but most of all from the Love that conceived us way before everything was created. God created every one of us out of his unbounded love for us. Whether we eat our fries with ketchup or ice cream, we sing our favorite song in tune or off key, or drink martinis shaken, not stirred, God loves us. He loves us and every little quirk that makes us who we are. We were somebody even before we started to think we wanted to be somebody.

2. We love. 

The second comment is a bit tricky. I would have somewhat agreed to it before; but here's where my problem with the statement lies - God is Love (1 Jn 4:8)! He's the very reason we are here. If you haven't come to terms with that yet, please go back to number one above.

Being loved by God defines who I am. Loving someone out of the goodness that was shown to me by God's love is what I strive to do; for if I were created by God in His image, loving others defines who I am. There is nothing more than to love as God loves me. 

 3. Love God first. 

When I was on the bandwagon of subscribing to the trendy self-help top lists online, I realized they were just endless lists and countless ways to confuse myself! 10 Things to Do to be Truly Happy, 3 Secrets of Happy and Successful People, 20 Ways to Love About Yourself in Your 20s - sound familiar? Oh yes, we've read them all. They struck our hearts and brightened up our days. How could they not? Out of the twenty items on the list, there was bound to be at least one item that made you go, uh-huh!

I see these lists now as vain, youthful *ehem* attempts to make sense of our feelings about this world around us. Yes, they hit home, especially for the younger generation, but it just distracts us from the rational and wonderful truth: God loves us. 'Nuff said. Here's a quip from a favorite radio show host of mine (check out his podcasts in Catholic Answers Live if you want to know more about the faith!):

 God loves us and there's nothing you can do about it! 

I love how he ends every show with this cheeky, lighthearted truth. Here's the catch, there are endless things you can do in response to knowing that God loves you. There are just so many ways you can pass this on and share the message about the warmth of his love. I will be sad for you if the first thing on your to-do list is to love yourself! 

Love God first, my friend, and you will find out there's more to life than what you have imagined it to be! (1 Cor 2:9)

embodied spirits

We are embodied spirits. 

This is one of three key things  I remember Bishop Soc Villegas emphasized in one of his homilies I attended. He drove this point during a huge gathering of Catholic communities a year ago on the feast of Christ the King. He shared this as a reminder for us that we were never meant to stay on this earth; we were meant for eternal life. 

I was reminded of this today during the mass offered for our dearly departed on All Souls Day. The priest shared a notable moment in his experience with the dying serving as the chaplain for an infirmary. The priest recounted that many times, during the last moments of the dying, the person would let out a huge breath, his last, as if he were letting out his soul - releasing it from the bondage of the human body. I witnessed this very recently, seeing the moment firsthand, as I bid goodbye to my dearest mother. 

What do we hold on to after experiencing or even just witnessing such moments? 

I remember during the last moments when my mom could still speak, she would tell us, "Kapoy, kapoy," (I'm tired, I'm tired). After years of struggling and bearing the physical pain, when she let out that deep breath, the words of the apostle Paul rang clear in my mind. In his letter to the Romans (8:18), Paul mentions of the glory that is to be revealed to us beyond the sufferings we endure here on earth. "Di na siya kapuyon," (She will no longer have to bear the pain), I said to my brother and father while still looking at my mom and holding her hand. I then read aloud our Lord's words through St. Paul's letter.

What do we hope for our dearly departed when we pray and offer masses for them?

But the souls of the just are in the hand of God. (Wisdom 3:1)

We pray together as one community of believers that the Lord may look kindly upon the souls of our beloved and that they may experience His compassionate and loving embrace. This is our hope - for our loved ones and for our very own souls.

It is my prayer that we, pilgrims here on earth, may continue to live a life that our loved ones wanted for us, and most of all, a life honorable to the One God we believe in. After all, death is inevitable and we are embodied spirits. 

joyful service

"Let the word of God dwell in you richly." Col 3:16

Me: Ito po. I'll buy these, please. *handing the two books to the sister manning the booth*

Sister: Pari po kayo? Are you a priest?

Me: Hindi po! No, sorry! 

It was a funny encounter with a Pauline sister selling their products outside the parish after Sunday mass. A few thoughts ran through my mind after that incident:

1. She must have thought about giving appropriate greetings to a priest if I were one. 
2. I probably need to grow this beard a bit longer to have a bit of the bad boy image so as not to be mistaken for a priest!
3. The common situation may be that someone as young as me would not be buying these copies. It's a reasonable thought. I can say that not many of my friends would get a copy and read these. From my community, Lingkod, or for some of my college friends (I graduatedfrom a Jesuit-run university), yes; for others, probably not.

On the third point, this would be something to ponder on. These apostolic exhortations that I bought copies of are addressed to the bishops, clergy, consecrated persons and the lay faithful on the proclamation of the Gospel in today's world. Lay faithful. In this Year of the Laity as established by the Catcholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines, this could not be a more appropriate material to read for Catholics. 

In a lot of Pope Francis's recent exhortations and public messages, and even Pope Emeritus Benedict's strong encouragement as he published the YOUCAT, the youth is even more encouraged to take on the task of evangelization. This task, they said can be done most effectively by knowing what one believes in and leading a life of joy with Him. I support them in their message that truly, the bigger task of bringing God's word to everyone rests on the tech savvy, freshly creative and energetic youth!

I am constantly grateful to be part of a community of single young professionals dedicated to serve God. It gives me much encouragement and support to be in their company to live a life pleasing the One who gifted us with this life and carrying out that task of proclaiming his love to the ends of the earth (Acts 1:8). It's a tall order to follow Him but I know I can only do it with his Spirit and with the support of my brothers and sisters in Christ. 

I encourage you, dear reader, that if there is any inkling to serve or a hint of desire to know more about Him, reach out to people who you know can help guide you in your path to knowing Christ. Everything starts with the desire to know Him more. I know that's where I started. To those in a relationship with Him but are somehow bogged down with the daunting task of serving him, take courage! (Joshua 1:9) Where I am now, looking back, I'm thankful to have responded and continue to respond to His call. It's not an easy task, nor is my response perfect, but it is a desire I do not wish to extinguish.

Bring the undiminished fire of your love into this Church whose countenance has so often been disfigured by man, "Never flag in zeal, be aglow with the Spirit, serve the Lord!" (Rom 12:11) - Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI

lauds

I sat beside you on your bed, invoked the Holy Presence and murmured it under my breath. When I saw that look of affirmation I knew you wanted me to speak louder. It wasn't that I was shy to say the prayer with you with other people in the opposite side of the room. I just wanted to share the moment with you like that last time when I went home for the weekend. We chanted the Lauds together. I knew that made you happy. I was joyful to share that moment with you.

As I read the psalm, still in a low voice so no one else can hear but just you and me, I couldn't help but look at you as I mouthed the words from the psalmist. If only you could speak to tell me something, but I understand, each word you muster would take your breath away so easily. Instead I saw that look of affection in your eyes. My heart wept.

I never got to finish the rest of the morning prayers with you. I was too shy to share that intimate moment with other people in the room. The nurses also came in to do their routine health check - what a lame excuse.

There's that pang of regret on why I couldn't finish it or why I couldn't recite it louder or even chant those prayers for you. I can tell myself now that every time I chant the Lauds and give glory to our Lord at the start of the day, I know I will share it with you.

But it will never be the same as having you say the prayers me. It will never be the same as saying them with you even if you just breathed the words of praise to our Lord with me as I tightly held your hand.

contagious when one

Come, Holy Spirit, live in us
With God the Father and the Son,
And grant us your abundant grace
To sanctify and make us one. 

That mind and tongue made strong in love
Your praise throughout the world proclaim,
And may that love within our hearts
Set fire to others with its flame.

Most blessed Trinity of love, 
For whom the heart of man was made, 
To you be praise in timeless song, 
And everlasting homage paid.

Stanbrook Abbey Hymnal

keystone habits

The human mind is an irrational mind. No matter how much we think we are in control, we never are. We will always be bound to the natural systems working in our bodies - hormones, evolutionary instincts and whatnot. 

There are plenty of ways to beat these biases and natural body responses to stimuli. Behavioral science studies have a lot on this. You can always check them out. I know I have. I've read a lot on behavioral science and on researches in an effort to really be aware of how my body works and how I can overcome its tendencies so that I can use them to my advantage. 

I've gone from time management to stress management, to how to beat biases when dealing with money, etc. There's one thing that really struck me as essential: it's building a habit. Be it simply having that regular check of asking myself if a particular bias is in play or adjusting my body posture  to prime myself before taking an interview, habits are essential ways to beat being controlled by our bodies' natural tendencies and irrational behavior.

This is why I fell in love with keystone habits. These habits are called keystones since these pave the way toward building other beneficial habits once you establish them. You can check out a lot about keystone habits online. I won't be talking about them here. What I'd like to share is how I'm applying the concept in my daily grind. 

I blended this with the IF, THEN or conditional pattern of effectively establishing a habit. Here's an example of what I do below. I've been doing it for three weeks now, and I still have a long way to go before I establish it as a habit - yes, it takes more than just twenty-one days, it takes sixty-six days to be exact (Google it!). 

1. Don't get off the bed unless you're done with your prayer time (chanting the Liturgy of the Hour, short worship, intercession, scripture meditation).
2. Don't get out of the room to take a bath unless you finish your exercise (I started with forty push ups and squats, but I'm planning to up the ante and squeeze in other exercises like planks).
3. Don't leave the room without making your bed. I picked this up from a military man's speech online and true enough, it works wonders: nothing feels better after a long day than going back to your room knowing you have a made up bed waiting for you! 

I'm on my third week and it feels good to actually be able to do the series of activities at the start of my morning. I've been adding a few stuff on top of these habits and I must say I'm doing pretty good in building them up. I have unavoidable slip ups from time to time but these are actually expected and does not significantly affect your habit forming pattern (unless of course it's already a habit of missing it in itself!)

I'm sure you can build your own keystone habit as well. Start with something small like making your bed and you'll never know where you'll go from there! As for me, I'll probably have to build a habit to push myself to sleep earlier and get the rest that I need. 

Cheers!

why date?

Here's an observation, some people are appalled (or maybe just a bit concerned?) to hear of grade school kids dating and say that they're just too young for these kinds of things. Well, at least that's true for us here in the Philippines. 

Where are people coming from when they say this? Is it because this is what we heard our parents say when we were young? Is it because we know and feel that these kids can busy themselves with more important things than impressing the opposite sex at their age?

Wherever it is, I'd like to throw that question back to the older ones, what makes us more qualified to date around at our age? Wisdom? Maturity? (I know of high school kids having a more mature mindset than 20-year olds.) If the older ones are for these kinds of stuff, why are a lot of people at the 'right age' so wrecked and confused while dating around?

The thing is, it's not about age. Partly, it's maturity in character. But an important thing we might want to look at is, what really is the purpose of dating?

"The essence of the problem is that dating has become detached from the process of looking for a marriage partner, that is, from courtship, and has become a form of recreation." -K. Wilson

How about you, what's your take on dating?