first loved

I recently saw this from a friend's post on Facebook.

"You're nobody til somebody loves you."

Call me an old soul but the first song that came into my mind was the American standard sung by Dean Martin. Gentlemen back then had C.L.A.S.S. (Though, forgive me, maybe my friend was referring to the song by James Arthur with the same title!)

These gentlemen have flair, I tell you. Brace yourself at 1:20!

Anyway, back to my point, I was actually more interested in the various responses to the post. Here were my thoughts upon reading them:

"I beg to disagree," - Alright! I feel you.
"Loving someone or being loved by someone should not define you. There is more to you than just loving someone. There is more to you than being loved," - Hmm...
"Not true. Love yourself," - Woah. Hold on there... Let's clarify that a bit.

Honestly, had I read these comments a year ago, I would have dug them and agreed with them, at least to some extent. However, a lot can change in a year - including finally being able to somewhat sustain a blog (Ohyeah. *patting myself on the back*). I'd like to highlight that change in perspective by pointing out that it started when I felt the warm truth of the words below. (Please take note of the operative word 'felt,' as opposed to 'fully understanding.')

"We love, because He first loved us." - 1 John 4:19

Lets break down my reactions to the comments in the post.

1. Yes, we are NOBODY until somebody loves us. 

I cannot emphasize that enough. It's not depressing as you think it is even if you're thinking that you're still single, or that your family doesn't love you (which I doubt) or that the whole world just doesn't seem to care about you. The good news is that there was never a time that you were not loved! 

We were born out of love - not just from our parents' but most of all from the Love that conceived us way before everything was created. God created every one of us out of his unbounded love for us. Whether we eat our fries with ketchup or ice cream, we sing our favorite song in tune or off key, or drink martinis shaken, not stirred, God loves us. He loves us and every little quirk that makes us who we are. We were somebody even before we started to think we wanted to be somebody.

2. We love. 

The second comment is a bit tricky. I would have somewhat agreed to it before; but here's where my problem with the statement lies - God is Love (1 Jn 4:8)! He's the very reason we are here. If you haven't come to terms with that yet, please go back to number one above.

Being loved by God defines who I am. Loving someone out of the goodness that was shown to me by God's love is what I strive to do; for if I were created by God in His image, loving others defines who I am. There is nothing more than to love as God loves me. 

 3. Love God first. 

When I was on the bandwagon of subscribing to the trendy self-help top lists online, I realized they were just endless lists and countless ways to confuse myself! 10 Things to Do to be Truly Happy, 3 Secrets of Happy and Successful People, 20 Ways to Love About Yourself in Your 20s - sound familiar? Oh yes, we've read them all. They struck our hearts and brightened up our days. How could they not? Out of the twenty items on the list, there was bound to be at least one item that made you go, uh-huh!

I see these lists now as vain, youthful *ehem* attempts to make sense of our feelings about this world around us. Yes, they hit home, especially for the younger generation, but it just distracts us from the rational and wonderful truth: God loves us. 'Nuff said. Here's a quip from a favorite radio show host of mine (check out his podcasts in Catholic Answers Live if you want to know more about the faith!):

 God loves us and there's nothing you can do about it! 

I love how he ends every show with this cheeky, lighthearted truth. Here's the catch, there are endless things you can do in response to knowing that God loves you. There are just so many ways you can pass this on and share the message about the warmth of his love. I will be sad for you if the first thing on your to-do list is to love yourself! 

Love God first, my friend, and you will find out there's more to life than what you have imagined it to be! (1 Cor 2:9)

embodied spirits

We are embodied spirits. 

This is one of three key things  I remember Bishop Soc Villegas emphasized in one of his homilies I attended. He drove this point during a huge gathering of Catholic communities a year ago on the feast of Christ the King. He shared this as a reminder for us that we were never meant to stay on this earth; we were meant for eternal life. 

I was reminded of this today during the mass offered for our dearly departed on All Souls Day. The priest shared a notable moment in his experience with the dying serving as the chaplain for an infirmary. The priest recounted that many times, during the last moments of the dying, the person would let out a huge breath, his last, as if he were letting out his soul - releasing it from the bondage of the human body. I witnessed this very recently, seeing the moment firsthand, as I bid goodbye to my dearest mother. 

What do we hold on to after experiencing or even just witnessing such moments? 

I remember during the last moments when my mom could still speak, she would tell us, "Kapoy, kapoy," (I'm tired, I'm tired). After years of struggling and bearing the physical pain, when she let out that deep breath, the words of the apostle Paul rang clear in my mind. In his letter to the Romans (8:18), Paul mentions of the glory that is to be revealed to us beyond the sufferings we endure here on earth. "Di na siya kapuyon," (She will no longer have to bear the pain), I said to my brother and father while still looking at my mom and holding her hand. I then read aloud our Lord's words through St. Paul's letter.

What do we hope for our dearly departed when we pray and offer masses for them?

But the souls of the just are in the hand of God. (Wisdom 3:1)

We pray together as one community of believers that the Lord may look kindly upon the souls of our beloved and that they may experience His compassionate and loving embrace. This is our hope - for our loved ones and for our very own souls.

It is my prayer that we, pilgrims here on earth, may continue to live a life that our loved ones wanted for us, and most of all, a life honorable to the One God we believe in. After all, death is inevitable and we are embodied spirits. 

joyful service

"Let the word of God dwell in you richly." Col 3:16

Me: Ito po. I'll buy these, please. *handing the two books to the sister manning the booth*

Sister: Pari po kayo? Are you a priest?

Me: Hindi po! No, sorry! 

It was a funny encounter with a Pauline sister selling their products outside the parish after Sunday mass. A few thoughts ran through my mind after that incident:

1. She must have thought about giving appropriate greetings to a priest if I were one. 
2. I probably need to grow this beard a bit longer to have a bit of the bad boy image so as not to be mistaken for a priest!
3. The common situation may be that someone as young as me would not be buying these copies. It's a reasonable thought. I can say that not many of my friends would get a copy and read these. From my community, Lingkod, or for some of my college friends (I graduatedfrom a Jesuit-run university), yes; for others, probably not.

On the third point, this would be something to ponder on. These apostolic exhortations that I bought copies of are addressed to the bishops, clergy, consecrated persons and the lay faithful on the proclamation of the Gospel in today's world. Lay faithful. In this Year of the Laity as established by the Catcholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines, this could not be a more appropriate material to read for Catholics. 

In a lot of Pope Francis's recent exhortations and public messages, and even Pope Emeritus Benedict's strong encouragement as he published the YOUCAT, the youth is even more encouraged to take on the task of evangelization. This task, they said can be done most effectively by knowing what one believes in and leading a life of joy with Him. I support them in their message that truly, the bigger task of bringing God's word to everyone rests on the tech savvy, freshly creative and energetic youth!

I am constantly grateful to be part of a community of single young professionals dedicated to serve God. It gives me much encouragement and support to be in their company to live a life pleasing the One who gifted us with this life and carrying out that task of proclaiming his love to the ends of the earth (Acts 1:8). It's a tall order to follow Him but I know I can only do it with his Spirit and with the support of my brothers and sisters in Christ. 

I encourage you, dear reader, that if there is any inkling to serve or a hint of desire to know more about Him, reach out to people who you know can help guide you in your path to knowing Christ. Everything starts with the desire to know Him more. I know that's where I started. To those in a relationship with Him but are somehow bogged down with the daunting task of serving him, take courage! (Joshua 1:9) Where I am now, looking back, I'm thankful to have responded and continue to respond to His call. It's not an easy task, nor is my response perfect, but it is a desire I do not wish to extinguish.

Bring the undiminished fire of your love into this Church whose countenance has so often been disfigured by man, "Never flag in zeal, be aglow with the Spirit, serve the Lord!" (Rom 12:11) - Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI

lauds

I sat beside you on your bed, invoked the Holy Presence and murmured it under my breath. When I saw that look of affirmation I knew you wanted me to speak louder. It wasn't that I was shy to say the prayer with you with other people in the opposite side of the room. I just wanted to share the moment with you like that last time when I went home for the weekend. We chanted the Lauds together. I knew that made you happy. I was joyful to share that moment with you.

As I read the psalm, still in a low voice so no one else can hear but just you and me, I couldn't help but look at you as I mouthed the words from the psalmist. If only you could speak to tell me something, but I understand, each word you muster would take your breath away so easily. Instead I saw that look of affection in your eyes. My heart wept.

I never got to finish the rest of the morning prayers with you. I was too shy to share that intimate moment with other people in the room. The nurses also came in to do their routine health check - what a lame excuse.

There's that pang of regret on why I couldn't finish it or why I couldn't recite it louder or even chant those prayers for you. I can tell myself now that every time I chant the Lauds and give glory to our Lord at the start of the day, I know I will share it with you.

But it will never be the same as having you say the prayers me. It will never be the same as saying them with you even if you just breathed the words of praise to our Lord with me as I tightly held your hand.

contagious when one

Come, Holy Spirit, live in us
With God the Father and the Son,
And grant us your abundant grace
To sanctify and make us one. 

That mind and tongue made strong in love
Your praise throughout the world proclaim,
And may that love within our hearts
Set fire to others with its flame.

Most blessed Trinity of love, 
For whom the heart of man was made, 
To you be praise in timeless song, 
And everlasting homage paid.

Stanbrook Abbey Hymnal

keystone habits

The human mind is an irrational mind. No matter how much we think we are in control, we never are. We will always be bound to the natural systems working in our bodies - hormones, evolutionary instincts and whatnot. 

There are plenty of ways to beat these biases and natural body responses to stimuli. Behavioral science studies have a lot on this. You can always check them out. I know I have. I've read a lot on behavioral science and on researches in an effort to really be aware of how my body works and how I can overcome its tendencies so that I can use them to my advantage. 

I've gone from time management to stress management, to how to beat biases when dealing with money, etc. There's one thing that really struck me as essential: it's building a habit. Be it simply having that regular check of asking myself if a particular bias is in play or adjusting my body posture  to prime myself before taking an interview, habits are essential ways to beat being controlled by our bodies' natural tendencies and irrational behavior.

This is why I fell in love with keystone habits. These habits are called keystones since these pave the way toward building other beneficial habits once you establish them. You can check out a lot about keystone habits online. I won't be talking about them here. What I'd like to share is how I'm applying the concept in my daily grind. 

I blended this with the IF, THEN or conditional pattern of effectively establishing a habit. Here's an example of what I do below. I've been doing it for three weeks now, and I still have a long way to go before I establish it as a habit - yes, it takes more than just twenty-one days, it takes sixty-six days to be exact (Google it!). 

1. Don't get off the bed unless you're done with your prayer time (chanting the Liturgy of the Hour, short worship, intercession, scripture meditation).
2. Don't get out of the room to take a bath unless you finish your exercise (I started with forty push ups and squats, but I'm planning to up the ante and squeeze in other exercises like planks).
3. Don't leave the room without making your bed. I picked this up from a military man's speech online and true enough, it works wonders: nothing feels better after a long day than going back to your room knowing you have a made up bed waiting for you! 

I'm on my third week and it feels good to actually be able to do the series of activities at the start of my morning. I've been adding a few stuff on top of these habits and I must say I'm doing pretty good in building them up. I have unavoidable slip ups from time to time but these are actually expected and does not significantly affect your habit forming pattern (unless of course it's already a habit of missing it in itself!)

I'm sure you can build your own keystone habit as well. Start with something small like making your bed and you'll never know where you'll go from there! As for me, I'll probably have to build a habit to push myself to sleep earlier and get the rest that I need. 

Cheers!

why date?

Here's an observation, some people are appalled (or maybe just a bit concerned?) to hear of grade school kids dating and say that they're just too young for these kinds of things. Well, at least that's true for us here in the Philippines. 

Where are people coming from when they say this? Is it because this is what we heard our parents say when we were young? Is it because we know and feel that these kids can busy themselves with more important things than impressing the opposite sex at their age?

Wherever it is, I'd like to throw that question back to the older ones, what makes us more qualified to date around at our age? Wisdom? Maturity? (I know of high school kids having a more mature mindset than 20-year olds.) If the older ones are for these kinds of stuff, why are a lot of people at the 'right age' so wrecked and confused while dating around?

The thing is, it's not about age. Partly, it's maturity in character. But an important thing we might want to look at is, what really is the purpose of dating?

"The essence of the problem is that dating has become detached from the process of looking for a marriage partner, that is, from courtship, and has become a form of recreation." -K. Wilson

How about you, what's your take on dating?

abide in Him and ask

For a couple of weeks I was physically drained, emotionally burdened and spiritually restless. I felt like that smartphone that never got fully charged - just having burst of charging periods allowing me to cruise and do my tasks at sixty percent and never a hundred.

I attended a talk last Monday sponsored by the community I'm in. It was about God's love. I (or at least tried to) memorized a recommended passage for personal reflection that night. I didn't really get much from it as I remember sleeping halfway before I could commit the whole text to memory.

As I woke up the next morning, I recalled and felt the baggage I was carrying from the previous weeks. I prayed. I just wanted peace. Peace to dedicate more of my time in prayer with Him. Peace to be able to balance and focus my energy on giving my best on the things that needed to be done. I recalled the passage I was memorizing the night before and mustered as much of the text I could remember:

If you abide in me and my words abide in you, 

ask whatever you will, and it shall be given to you.

John 15:7

The message was as clear as it could be. My soul was then at peace.

Coming from the talk that Monday night, it was said that sometimes, like kids, we might think of God as Santa - your Christmas wish is granted if you've been a good boy. After what happened to me that morning where I found peace as I asked for it, I tried to reconcile how this was any different. Why do we continue to ask for things from him anyway? Wouldn't it be somehow still like that kid waiting for Santa to grant him his wish? Besides, ask and you shall receive, right?

The difference is in the underlying reason on why we ask for things. We are like the kid if we only think of God as the provider who gives us whatever we need whenever we need them. While it is somehow still true, the moment we rely on God as the source of all things changes things. Most importantly, the reason of being able to serve and glorify Him more through the things we wish to accomplish sets things differently. It does not anymore becomes a one-way street of receiving but a two-way highway of giving back to Him as well.

When we realize that everything, including our lives is a gift, we realize that what we can truly just do is be grateful and beg for the grace and gifts to be able to use them effectively in glorifying and spreading His name.

By this the Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit, 
and so prove to be my disciples.
As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you;
abide in my love.

John 15:8-9

P.S. The community I'm in is Ang Lingkod ng Panginoon (Servants of the Lord) - Makati branch. We just kicked off the Christian Life Series for single young professionals this Monday  in the area of Bonifacio Global City, Taguig.

knowing what to do

How do we balance our activities when at the back of our minds we know that some things can be counter-intuitively unproductive?

We turn to unending top lists in the internet, researches on psychology, pieces of advice from self-help coaches and eventually just end up with "What do I really want to do?"

Yet we still end up lost and confused.

Maybe it's because we haven't really asked the One who knows everything and who knows what's best for us. 

every day a victory

If every start of your day is a struggle then consider every end of it a victory. Rejoice in the little things, friends! 

someone understands

There are times when we feel we are restless because of too many things pouncing on us. Too many things to do, too many things to be done and too many things to just even think of.

When life is pulling you from all directions, all you just want to do is teleport to a secluded place and *poof* hopefully things just stay quiet for a while. Sadly, this isn't just the case. Yes, you might find a way to physically isolate yourself from the chaos but this is only to find yourself still restless and unable to get that peace you imagined. This was because even if the chaos from the world was eliminated, what wasn't was the restlessness and the chaos which was inside of you in the first place.

I find this realization sad. Imagine, you take all those measures to get that peace you've always wanted, think that you've finally got it, only to discover that it's just not going to happen! At this point, you just feel helpless that sometimes you either just resign and go back to the busy world burying yourself in work and all other activities or stay in that secluded space you've picked out, yet still do nothing to address these things - in a state of limbo.

This story is a familiar one as I read a passage from the ministry of Jesus:

When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. (Mt 9:35)

As I repeated the passage over and over, I was struck with the phrase: he had compassion for them. During these moments of confusion, it's but wonderful to realize that there is someone who cares for us and understands us in our helplessness. When we think no one understands how we feel, we're wrong. When we think that we're all alone in our mess, we're wrong. There is someone up there that we can talk to who understands exactly where we are in our lives and how we feel.

I can just imagine how many people today find themselves in cases where they are just piled up with so many things that sometimes leave them helpless and confused. Count me in as one of them. I do not claim to have the answer to address that feeling of being lost. Hey, as I said, I'm part of the club. What I can claim is this - we are not alone. You are never alone.

In response to Jesus's compassion, he addressed his apostles to pray for the Lord of the Harvest to send laborers into this harvest. We can do just that - beyond just praying, we can be the laborers of this harvest ourselves. Hey, Jesus never said that the laborers be perfect themselves. In these times of restlessness, yes, it may be the perfect time to fix yourself and get that self-recovery that you need. These may be the times as well when you can understand others more and serve them. In the sincere effort to help them out, the Lord can grant the grace of clarity in your own life. This is my prayer for you and for all of us.

Is there anything I can help you with?

more today than yesterday

The beauty of music is that it's personal. It's up to the listener's interpretation and it strikes a chord within us based on the experiences that we have. It's a very effective tool to use for reflection and even prayer.

I remember how once in a silent retreat a spiritual director shared the song Grenade by Bruno Mars to the group of students. He asked how it would mean to the group if Jesus were the one singing it. The group had a good laugh at the thought!

This is the same with the song below from the oldies band, Spiral Staircase (I picked out Bruno's cover for this post though). A mentor of mine shared a prayer which is from the song and here I am sharing my prayer with you. I hope you say it with me every day.

 

Lord, grant me the grace to love You more today than yesterday. 

effective procrastination

I was reading a transcript of an interview with Frank Partnoy, the author of "Wait: The Art and Science of Delay" and the topic was about a thing such as "optimum amount of delay." He goes on mentioning that there is a certain amount of time that a decision or action can be put off such that the benefits may be the same or even better. This concept is being used by courier companies when delivering packages where it doesn't matter if they send the package early in the morning as the customer is concerned that the packages 

In any case, the topic gives insight into a lot of things especially in the world we live in today:

1. We need to be wary of the environment around us. A study that exposed a group to a movie clip with fast food logos flashed in milliseconds (without them noticing it) concluded that the clip with the logos had a huge effect on how a person behaved after watching it. The study noticed a significant change in the perception of time to those exposed to the subliminal messages - they read 20% faster than those who did not see the logos, they had a hard time enjoying Nat Geo photos, and they perceived time to be faster, hence a song for them was too long and they were also more impatient with slight delays.
2. Delayed gratification is an essential skill in building up your leadership potential. I won't dwell in this as many personal management materials have much to say about it.
3. Procrastination has been given a bad name! By definition, if you look up procrastination in the dictionary, it simply means the act of delaying or postponing something. Being lazy and not doing anything, yes, that's unacceptable; but putting off replying to your mails by an hour or by a day, that maybe something to think about - do we really need to answer them in an instant? Same goes with our experience with social networking sites.

However, a caveat that we should also note:

• It’s all about determining your values and setting priorities. It doesn't mean that you'll be guilty not cleaning your room if you've been busy flying in an out of countries stopping world hunger (or doing service in the community day in and day out – though this is still not an excuse!)
• The optimum amount of delay concept is not an excuse for inaction. The concept in Partnoy's cases (at least in the interview) dwelt more on situations involving tactical decisions and not strategic ones. 

The reason why I shared these few things as well is because the items I’ve listed above actually tells a lot about the things that we should note in living out our Christian life – after all, there’s no such thing as having a double life and still be a Christian!

1.      Start every day with a prayer. Set yourself first thing in the morning apart from the world and joined in the loving embrace of our Lord. The world around affects us whether we like it or not, consciously and unconsciously, positively or adversely. We see more than just fast food logos every day as we step out of our room. A similar impact happens even when we just open our gadgets first thing in the morning. We should protect ourselves from the impact of the world on us and on our Christian life. A classic example: 'riches to honor to pride' – the strategy of the evil one that St. Ignatius of Loyola teaches us to be aware the world's grandeur as all other vices will follow once the three are ingrained in us.

2.      Wait on the Lord; trust, persevere, and turn only to Him. The Lord has an appointed time for His return and judgment (Habakkuk 2:3). This is the ultimate vision on why we aim to control our need for instant gratification. I need not talk about completing your emergency fund before buying your luxuries, or even just waiting for the end of work to play those online games, these are nothing compared to the vision we, Christians, have of meeting our Creator face to face and until then persevering in this world in waiting for Him.

3.       Do all things for the greater glory of God – not for the good but for the greater glory! This is where all things depend on when setting priorities. The priorities we set determine which things can be put off and which things need to be acted on immediately. The optimum amount of delay concept on tactical and strategic decision can be used in these cases. As for rightfully discerning how best you can serve the Lord in your current state of life and capacity, there is much time to explore and really figure out the best way that would give the greater glory to God while in the meantime still serving Him (tactical). As for gaining the prize to be one with Christ in Heaven (strategic), there is no more tomorrow, now is the time to respond to the unbounded love that He has given us!

balance in life

Living a life of excellence is doing the best one can do in everything, giving more than one can give, and pursuing what can give greater glory to God.
This is how we are called to be living testimonies of His goodness.

"It is not so much as striking a balance in our lives. It is more of excelling in as much areas of our lives as possible," said a mentor of mine.

being a man of excellence

A question came in to mind when I was asked to share my thoughts on being a man of excellence: "Is there any difference between an 'excellent man' and a 'man of excellence'?"

A lot would say that Manny Pacquiao is an excellent fighter or Kobe Bryant is an excellent basketball player, but to say that someone is a man of excellence is a different thing.

"A man of excellence is someone whose very being and essence is of excellence," said a friend of mine when I posed the question to everyone. Personally, more than just being excellent in an aspect, a man of excellence strives to being his best in all aspects of his life. Many would react to this pointing out how we only have a limited capacity to do things and instead just propose something to the effect of striking a balance in all areas of life. "It's not so much as striking a balance but really being your best in all of these areas as much as possible," said a mentor of mine.

But all this talk stems from the usual definition of excellence in this world as being the best, being superior and surpassing standards of measure as compared to others - being the best, so to speak.

And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Col 3:17)

If all the things that we do are for the Lord and His glory, then it is but fitting that we do all our endeavors with all of our capacity - our heart, our mind and our soul (Mt 22:37). This is pursuing the good.

However, I would like to stretch excellence further to be more than just pursuing the good. Doing the good versus the bad is a no-brainer. Pursuing the good that would give the greater glory of God - that is the more challenging task for the man seriously following the Lord. The moment one notices oneself thinking at any time on what more one can do for the Lord or thinking what can give greater glory to the Lord, then, friends,  that is already treading the path of becoming a man of excellence.

Who am I?

Sunday mornings, sunrise, mountains, rice terraces, waterfalls, running, avocado, hot cup of tablea chocolate on a cold night, rainy days, grilled bangus, mangoes, mango float, mango bene, leche flan, chat over hot vanilla with good ol' friends, inun-unang isda, dark chocolate, hot piaya, spicy tuna tomato pasta, that refreshing ice cold beer down the throat on a hot summer day, the smell of sautéed garlic in the morning, the stress relieving feel and sound when ripping paper, the feel of warm sand between your toes, a good book on a rainy night, screwball comedy, classics, behavioral psychology, non-fiction, foreign films, jazz, soul, harmonica, acoustic guitar ballads, and marshmallows - they're all my cup o' mint tea.

Breathtaking view of the Banaue Rice Terraces

Today I was reminded of a question that led me to an awesome realization in life, "Who am I?"

Who am I to have been given the chance to see, smell, taste, touch, hear, and experience life?

Grace and an open heart

I'm glad a few of my good friends still bug me to write in this blog. No, this blog is not coterminous with Lent. Yes, I still continue to post my reflections, though not always in this medium. I understand not all are my friends in Facebook so here it goes! I have a few posts pending completion especially in conclusion to the Lenten season which started this blog. Yes, Happy Easter! (Rest assured, that Easter post is in the pipeline!)

Celebrating Easter, we rejoice in the greatness of our God reveling in His resurrection. We are grateful for His goodness for who are we that He laid down His Son's life for us? As the psalmist says, "What is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? (Ps 8:4)"

Yet we continue to fall, all of us who celebrate His glory and wonders. Yet many still do not believe this as well.

What more do we need for us to believe? Even the angel of light saw the Lord in all His glory and fell. It is by His Grace that we are saved and it is by our hearts opened wide for His Grace that we will continue to be saved.

Grace and an open heart. These I pray for all of us today.

Majestic Tree by Jessica Bader

"You have believed because you have seen me.
Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe."
John 20:29

In this hope we are saved

Let us hope in a life free from the bondage of sin and worldly pleasures - a life with Christ in His kingdom. In despair, trapped by worldly things - fame, lust, sloth, and many others, let us long for the day when these will no longer bother and enslave us.

(Romans 8:24-25)

on failing commitments

There are times when we fail our commitments. As much as we live up to our commitments and really move heaven and earth to fulfill them, there are times when we just fall short.

I can definitely say that I've probably failed in my commitment to regularly post on this blog. Although I made some provisions in that commitment to technically leave me scot-free, then again, who am I really fooling but myself!

Don't get me wrong. I do not intend to continue with this post advocating that it's okay to forego commitments and knowingly allow ourselves to fail them. If one makes a commitment, it should be valued and fulfilled. As its etymology points out: com as to bring together and mittere, same as in mission,  as to put or to send, a commitment is bringing all of one's being to fulfill a purpose or objective. What I want to focus, however, is what one should be wary of when making one and failing it.

Human as we are, we fail. This reality of failure is a splash of cold water that just freezes us dead in our tracks. After all, if one really valued a commitment that was made, failing it is charged against one's whole being that was put together and thrown to fulfill a purpose. This paralysis is dangerous. It not only stops us from picking up ourselves and making up for the commitment that we've failed, but it also sometimes lead us to a downward spiral of just not caring about what we committed to in the first place.

Here are a few things that I have come to reflect as I struggled within myself to type up a post and break the not-so-fruitful fast in blog posting:

1. I am not alone in my commitment. A commitment is never isolated. Even if one says that it is just a commitment to oneself, it is still a commitment to the persons one interacts with day by day. A commitment to get better at small talk, for example, is a commitment to build new and strengthen current relationships. You owe it to these persons to live up to your commitment and you can bet that if given the opportunity, they would support you with it. You only have to tell them!

It is by experience that I tell you that it is hard to fulfill a commitment when I just keep it to myself. I started this blog knowing that; hence I shared it with a few people whom I knew would push me at times like these to just write and come up with a new post.

2. There is a reason why I made the commitment. Sometimes I make a list of commitments and after a period of time wonder why I was working my way through them one at a time, failing them. For one, I look at my list and I realize it's just impossible to fulfill all of them. One can only do so much. It simply takes humility to be aware one's limitations - if only we we're made to run on batteries and just switch them with new ones once they run out!

Another thing is that when looking at the list and running my life by the items on the list, sometimes my day just becomes a checklist of things that I've done and not done. What happens is that I forget the main reasons why I even came up with those commitments. Going back to the values you hold dear is crucial as they would be your reference point when your commitments are challenged or when they conflict each other. What is important is to go back to the essentials.

When I made the commitment to regularly post in this blog, I made all the conscious effort to adjust my schedule and really allot time for me to draft a post. It cannot be avoidable, however, that these plans will be challenged as other things press on - truthfully essential personal reasons and commitments. During those times, I was consciously aware I was failing my commitment to blog (also thanks to the people in my support group) and when I got the opportunity, got back to it again - grateful as well with the realizations that I just had to share it in this comeback post.

3. I am a work in progress. Again, I truly believe that commitments should be valued and held on to. It is hard to find persons of character these days. Even these persons of characters would experience failures. What is noteworthy is how these persons would acknowledge their failures against the commitment they have made and collect themselves again, ready to recommit and cement their word another time around.

I am fortunate to be surrounded with these persons of character whom I interact with daily. I draw inspiration and most importantly support from them in developing the virtue of living up to my commitments.

---

We have our reasons when we commit to something. The reason why we make commitments is to build our character and make a purposeful impact in the worlds we are living in. Making a dent in the world we want to be in requires sharing these commitments with persons equally fired up and committed to the same purpose. Personally, more than just the people around me, I draw strength to live out my committed Christian life from the One True Source.

the River

I cannot fully express my reflection on the Scriptures for today in writing so I attempted to look for a graphic rendering of my emotions. I'm grateful to have stumbled upon the poem below.

As River Flows

by Peter Duggan

As river flows so peacefully

I sit here just content to be

As Ravens flow so high above

This morning, it was made for love

It enters deep into my soul

It's sweetness making me so whole

This softest morning mystery

Oh, how it reaches out to me

The trees, they dance so gracefully

They wave, and flow upon the breeze

Bird song drifts from happy branches

Oh lord, how this my heart enhances

Silence rules above all this

A kind of stillness filled with bliss

Captivates my very core

Oh, I'd not wish for any more. 

The river peaceful, calm and still

So wonderful it makes me feel

As it reflects those dancing trees

I watch and let the morning breeze

Caress my skin so tenderly

Then all is gone, there's only me

The emptiness of all that is

I'm sailing on the waves of bliss. 

The river is life. From the source, it flows down to the seas giving life to luscious vegetation along the way. To be separated from it would mean scarcity - a struggling existence, even death. To be beside it is life! (Ezekiel 47:12)

seek God

The video below is too powerful not to share. Let this song be our prayer for the week in desiring to seek God more. Let us not be blind to the wonders that the Lord continues to perform in our lives daily.

Jesus said to the blind man he just healed:

..."Do you believe in the Son of man?" 

He answered, "And who is he, sir, that I may believe in him?"

Jesus said to him, "You have seen him, and it is he who speaks to you."

He said, "Lord, I believe"; and he worshiped him.

- John 9:35-38

Seek Him.

Be awed by His works.

Believe and respond to Him.

gift of today

It's unfortunate how sometimes we start the day flipping the switch for our routine the moment we open our eyes. That was almost the case for me today. Good thing I heard a line from this song in my bus ride to the office.

  Thank You for the gift of today!

P.S. I was not paid for posting the ad here. I wish. Credits to them, though, for the pleasant song and vocals.

P.P.S. Eating too much fast food is not healthy!

Are you alive?

Living out one's faith should not be isolated to just an aspect in one's life. Come to think of it, if it is isolated, it's not living out one's faith! (You can read more about a Christian living multiple lives in an essay on Filipinos and the seemingly split-level Christianity here. I'll probably tackle it in another post in the future.)

I'd like to make this point as I realize this applies to me very well. Many times before, I considered myself a Catholic, yet I did not attend mass - only when I needed to be saved from those F's on my Math and Operations Research exams. I professed I was a Christian, yet on some philosophical discussions with friends over a couple of beers, I would sometimes passingly conclude that in the end, as long as we do good, believing in the God or a god doesn't really matter. I would proudly declare that yes, I'm a Christian, yet I do not even participate in my parish or involve myself in communities that live and share my faith. The list can go on. Sometimes, even up to now I can still point out areas in my life which I see there might be some disconnect. The difference is that now I am more aware of what I should be doing and where I should be rooted. This awareness started when I committed myself to something greater than me. 

It is not what we say, what we proclaim, what we promise to do that matters in life.

It is what we value that dictates the decisions we make in life. 

- from a priest's homily in the Shrine of Mary Queen of Peace

This is probably one question every person has to answer before he can truly say that he is living out his life - What am I committed to do in my life here on earth? This may be similar to questions of finding out your purpose in life or finding out your core values. I suggest answering the question, however, as it answers not only the truths and values one holds, but also the work and actions living out those values entail. Most importantly, the question leads to an answer which highlights the engagement of the whole being to see that those values and actions are being fulfilled as declared. Without action, one is not alive. Without that radical decision to act, one becomes confused and is all over the place in "living" out one's life. 

Writing this post is a refreshing reminder of why I started this blog. This may not be my permanent medium, but for now, this will have to do in my commitment to encourage others to take up the act of love as how Christ took up His cross. 

coming before Him

I used to think that prayer was like leaving God a voice message over the phone. When I was a kid, there was a time when I struggled to think about how God could listen to each and every prayer being said and answer them accordingly. I could recall how it was in a movie where Jim Carrey's character, assuming God's role for a certain period, strained to organize all prayer requests and even thought of doing it through e-mail!

Now, I am just amazed at the mystery of how God works in our lives. He dwells in us (1 Cor 3:16). He is in the innermost part of our beings and we need only to come before Him as we are. I realized this tonight as I was struggling to center myself in prayer. I remembered how a spiritual director of mine taught me to be real with myself by knowing how and where I was before I came into prayer - how was I feeling emotionally, physically, mentally? This was what I did and I recognized how I was physically exhausted coming from weeks jam-packed with activities during and outside of work. It made me realize a lot of things, one of which was how God sustained me throughout the weeks, and this helped me to get myself into prayer.

Sometimes we focus too much on talking to Him instead of being with Him. God is with us when we talk to Him. He prays with us if we allow Him to. Praying with Him can only happen when we recognize not only His presence but also ours, and  recognizing our presence means being aware of where we are at the moment, how we are feeling and knowing whatever baggage we are carrying.

Prayer is a conversation with God.

Ang buhay natin ay parang bahay na naka-lock - nabubuksan lamang mula sa loob. Si Hesus ay nasa labas, naghihintay. Nasa atin na ang pagbubukas ng pinto upang Siya'y makapasok nang lubusan.

(Life is like a house locked from the inside. Jesus is at the door, just waiting. It is up to us to open the door and welcome Him so that He may go inside.)

- Fr. Allan, St. Andrew the Apostle Parish

constants

*insert quotes and cliches on change here*

There are only a few constants in this world: God, family, and change, among a few others.
Today, I'm sincerely grateful for the second one in the list.

Rexxie, Cynthia, Rey, Reggie

Ginikanan

It's refreshing to overhear people walking along the streets speaking in Cebuano! I was in my hometown for a few days to be with my parents a couple of weeks ago and for me, it's one of the things I really miss. Aside from that, it's hearing people sing Cebuano songs and most especially hearing mass spoken in Cebuano, especially the Gospel (and believe me when I say that I don't even understand some of the words)!

A reading for a day during that vacation was about the fall of man - of how Adam took a bite from the forbidden fruit and hence the separation of man from God's grace came about. What struck me was how the minister shared and discussed the passage talking about the original sin and how it came from our kin, our ancestor; the Cebuano word she used was ginikanan. I did a bit of researching and found this online:

Parent - Latin parentem (nominative parens) "father or mother, ancestor," noun use of present participle of parere "bring forth, give birth to, produce," -etymonline.com

The reason why I had to look this up was because the word ginikanan reverberated in my head. In Cebuano, we call our relatives ginikanan, not just our parents; also, we use the same word to mean the source of, or where something came from. (Example: Gikan ko sa balay. I came from the house.)

The use of the word ginikan in the sermon that day, given its definition and usage in the language, led me to realize how we are never to look at ourselves as the center of everything. The word reminded me of how I am connected by blood to my sibling and even my relatives coming from an ancestor from way back. Kauban sa atong mga igsoon, amahan, inahan ug mga kaparentehan, usa ra atong ginikanan. In theology, we look at our separation from God in the fall of Adam as the also the fall of man. Didto sa atong ginikanan kita natipas sa atong Ginoo. Most importantly, we turn to the one true Source of everything, recognizing our oneness in spirit with all the other souls in this earth and even with all creation. Usa ra ang Ginikanan sa tanan. 

I look into myself searching for answers to my questions. 

I look at others and realize I am not the only one looking for answers. 

I look up and I see the Answer we're looking for all along.

truthful Tuesdays

I figured since I already started Thankful Thursdays, why not do the same thing for another day? So here it is. Truthful Tuesdays!

It is but fitting that I set up this day not just to remind myself of the truths of my faith but also so that I may share with you, dear reader, the wonderful things about the Person I follow.

Entrance door of the Manila Cathedral

I was just led to a realization last week when I read Mt 7:7-12. In this passage, Jesus tells His disciples to ask, seek and knock and we will have our answer. How wonderful it is to have an assurance that God will never leave us hanging! However, I was further led to ask myself, "Is it also the case with me?" 

God answers us when we seek Him. Do we respond to Him when He seeks us? 

the inner room

We have plenty of those moments when we just want to get away from the busyness of life, go into a room and lock ourselves in. We just want to be in that faraway island or in that sanctuary where we can find peace away from all distractions. It is where we can just be with ourselves. If only we can. The thing is, we can; we can, if we choose to.

Personally, I found this very hard to do.  For a long time I've always wanted to carve out time to just be alone and reflect on things. It is in my prayer time that I find the comfort and peace amid all the pressure and busyness of life and I've always struggled to establish that sacred time to be with the Lord. At times, I still struggle.

Recently in one of my walks to the office, I was stopped dead in my tracks by something and was compelled to share it with friends in Facebook.

"We need not climb mountains nor swim the depths of the seas to appreciate the beauty nature has to offer.
Sometimes we just have to go to work!"

Sometimes we struggle too much to get away from our busy lives and 'escape reality' for a bit that we fail to remember that it is in the middle of all of it that we can find our peace. I was reminded of just that when I saw this flower that I just passed by and ignored daily for months! Yes, we deserve and need those out-of-town long vacations, but it is also in moments such as the one I experienced above that I believe we are refreshed and reconnected with ourselves. It is in these moments that we are sustained daily.

But when you pray, go to your inner room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret. (Mt 6:6)

In the passage above, Jesus reminds us to pray in spirit and in truth to our Father. It is in the inner room, into our innermost being that we can connect and be with Him. We can do this not just by physically isolating ourselves from the world but also by just being in the world.

thankful Thursdays

This is not a new movement. This occurred to me a while back and I realized it was impossible if nobody else thought about it. True enough, if you search online, Thursday is not only becoming a day when people uncover the wackiest throwback pictures from the past but also a day when they flesh out the wonderful things that are happening in the present.

It's hard enough to go over an ordinary day and find the good things one is thankful for, what more on a day riddled with stress, struggles or emptiness. Nevertheless, I hope starting this series of posts will get me to continue to find God and His goodness in everything in every moment of every day.

I am thankful I woke up on time despite my recent difficulty to sleep earlier at night.
I am thankful for safe trips to and from work.
I am thankful to have had a productive mindset at work today given my lack of nourishment and sleep.
I am thankful that my current workplace has a chapel that celebrates mass daily where I can receive the Sacrament of the Eucharist.
I am thankful for His assurance that He is with us and that He answers our pleas.
I am thankful that the office hours at work allot break times in the morning and afternoon which gave me windows to get some shut-eye and recover a bit earlier today.
I am thankful for jolly colleagues that kept me alive throughout the day.
I am thankful for a stress-free day that gave me the opportunity to go home early to get some rest.
I am thankful for a heart that is open and honest to feelings of regret and frustration amid personal challenges.
I am thankful for a generous brother, a caring and patient father, and a brave and strong mother.
I am thankful for a strong relationship within my family despite the distance among us.
I am thankful for the time spent with Him today to just listen and thank Him for His wonderful gifts.

I end today with a grateful heart. I hope you will too. What are you thankful for today? 

"There is always something to pray about...Until you die, you always have a past 24 hours..." - Dennis Hamm, SJ

gem of a book

Before I officially became part of the 'working class,' I had plenty of time on my hands. Of course, I buried myself in books. Depending on my family for a meager allowance, I rummaged through used books from local bookshops and just picked up anything that I thought looked interesting. I read anything from literature classics, programming in MS Access for dummies, to even obscure books on the music duo Simon & Garfunkel. My key criterion: anything below a hundred.

I would be amazed at the number of books I can bring home after a week's worth of savings from my measly allowance! There were lemons, no doubt. These were the ones I usually force myself to read for a couple of days, convincing myself that the peso-to-book page ratio was worth it. There are gems as well. There's this sense of accomplishment after reading a used book bought at a very cheap price that unexpectedly ends up putting a sense of direction in your life. I picked up a couple of these books.

One of those gems got me interested just by looking at the cover page. I bought it in a heartbeat when I opened it and saw the flyleaf.

Seizing Your Divine Moment: Dare to Live a Life of Adventure

#YOLO

The word may be so-two-years-ago late but I just couldn't help it! I will not anymore attempt to describe and define the "battle cry of a generation," as a song says. It would be overkill; just look up all the materials online. Here are a few things, however, that were complemented by the 'wisdom' behind the word, in a different sense: 

1. We are meant for eternity. As a believer and follower of Christ, I hold fast to the truth that we are souls with bodies and not the other way around. We will die in the physical sense, but we will still live on and this is when we hope to see Him who made us. We only live once, but this life does not end with death for death was conquered.
2. The choice is ours. The kind of life we choose to lead now will have consequences that determine our future. Yes, there are consequences (as opposed to having none if our lives ended with death) and the consequences are real. We live only once and the kind of life we choose to follow will determine where we will be in the future - in the kingdom of light or in the kingdom of darkness. 
3. We have to take the leap. There is a trap we should be wary of, as Kierkegaard raised, when we spend too much time just thinking and defining our faith. As in the parable of the separation of goats and sheep (Mt 25:31-46), we are reminded that in the end, we are accountable not only for our wrongdoings, but also for the good we fail to do. With our faith and the Truth we accept, there has to be a sense of urgency and we have to take action. This aspect we can strongly borrow from YOLO where we should be compelled to throw ourselves and risk everything to tread the path we have chosen - hopefully the path of love!

choose joy

Today, we are bombarded everywhere with endless lists of n things to do before turning n, various books on how to pursue happiness and  many #activities and #movements to help us savor the moment and live a life of happiness. These just highlight the craving of our human soul to find happiness in this modern and technology-driven life.

One can indeed find happiness by appreciating the simple things - the yellow flower that stops you in your tracks while walking along a busy metropolitan street, the cheerful "Good morning," of a cab driver at three in the morning coming from work or the hot cup of coffee with your bread, toast and bacon at breakfast. There is, however, a much more filling happiness beyond just a heightened awareness and conscious appreciation of the things around us.

I myself have subscribed to various self-help materials on this topic. Ranging from learning how money actually buys happiness to the lessons positive psychology offers even by just simply listing things you are grateful for, one can never run out of articles to read after looking up happiness online. But I'll let you in on something, if you want to find happiness and joy, stop thinking of creative ways to entertain and make yourself happy. Serve others.

If you're one of those working for social enterprises, do the best at your work knowing it is for the benefit of your partner communities. If your work is in corporate finance, be excellent at it knowing it is for the organization's cause. If you don't like your work, do it anyway; if not for the compensation, for your team or for the clients your company serves. If that's not going to happen for you at work, make time and serve at a local shelter for the aged on weekends. If your schedule doesn't permit it, maybe you can buy an extra bottle of water at the cafeteria during snack time for the beggar you always pass by when you go out of the office after work. Why not lend your colleague a hand at work or share a smile when someone's having a bad day? Care to give your bus seat to the lady nursing a baby in her arms? When you get home, why not cook dinner for your mom and while you're at it, wash the dishes after? I think you get the drift.

Many people are daunted when service is mentioned. Service is simply doing what we are capable of in whatever situation we are in to help out another person - however simple that may be.

Happiness is not simply something that "happens" in our life and that we only need to be aware and attentive to it. It is also a result of actions we choose to do. The moment we choose to make others happy is the moment we love and give them the respect that they deserve. The moment we do this is the moment we are filled with joy.

"Joy is not a selfish thing to seek, but a selfless thing to find." - Fr. J. Martin, SJ

#joy

I found in my old room a book that was sticking out at the top of my bookshelf with its brightly-colored cover. It was the one that sparked my interest to rediscover my faith and embark on my spiritual journey last year. I snatched it, leafed through the pages and found plenty of highlighted lines and bookmarked pages but what caught my eye was a note I made at the bottom of a page.

I remember jotting down the note as a summary of the previous chapter of the book, an insight that I was so amazed I pieced up. At that time, it may have been just that: a summary, a scribble, a note to self. Now, after the many things that has happened since I picked up that book, I can attest with all confidence the value that is revealed in that line.

Many of us seek happiness, but it is joy - happiness in God, that we truly long for.

Sunset at Mt. Gulugod Baboy with Lingkod Manila

Not so fast!

Earlier today, I came to ask myself why I committed to start this blog - yes, on just day two! I put into question not only the intention of this blog, but all of the commitments I listed and declared to do for this Lenten season.

Did I seek Him in setting up my plans?
Did I make a decent effort to listen to His plans and put them before mine?
Are my Lenten commitments really intended for Him and not for my personal interest and gain?

In my eagerness to prepare my list of things to give up and to do, I seem to have fallen short in truly seeking His will for me. But guess what, I know that it is only because of Him that we are led to self-awareness and realizations like this one! For that, we should be grateful. With that, we correct ourselves and strive to be better.

Today was a reminder for me to return and keep close to Him, to tear out my heart and not my garments (Jl 2:13), to focus not on the things I've listed but to the essential reason why I listed them anyway.

I started this blog as a commitment to not only document my reflections on this wonderful and grace-filled season of Lent, but also to invite you, dear reader, to share with me this adventure for the next 40 days. It is my hope that we continue to seek Him and Him alone.

beyond the checklist

More than just skipping meals, eating fish on Fridays, giving up Facebook or doing charity work, at the heart of all our personal commitments is and should be an effort to do justice, to love kindness and to walk humbly with God (Mic 6:8) - a walk beyond just the 40 days.